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[#] Thu Jan 14 2021 15:34:40 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

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I do not understand how you guys manage to stay 15... 20 years at the same job. I'm like one of those flaky girlfriends with commitment issues. The minute I feel a little bit of uncertainty, I'm so fucking done with a place - and even if I try to stick around after that point, usually the place is done with me, because it becomes clear I'm not fully committed.


It could be the best job in the world, I could be happy every day - but the first time it lets me down, I'm like... fuuuuhuuuuuuck this place.


I have a tremendously difficult time kissing an ass that is wrong - and that seems to be the #1 criteria for being engaged in a long term employment situation. Figuring out whose ass it is important to kiss... and going to town on it like a fat kid on a bologna sandwich.


And... I'm good at what I do... whatever it is. I'm always a top performer. But at 50, I completely realize that this isn't what most employers prize most. They prize having their ass treated like a fat kid's sammich. They want you to be a top performer, too... but if they have to choose between a lesser performer who can kiss an ass like a porn star gives blowjobs, or a guy who is a top performer but gives a lackluster ass kissing - 9 times out of 10 it is the idiot who knows how to suck up who wins.

That isn't my current situation. Top performers and being the best ass kisser aren't what are at play. That observation applies to larger companies.

The funding for Wallofhate may be running dry, though. Just a heads up.

 

 



[#] Fri Jan 15 2021 19:07:40 MST from TheDave

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Yeah, I get that too.  They don't care if you're in the top 5 performers for the last 18 months if you keep calling them on bullshit and explaining why their plans are bad and how to fix them. 

Fortunately now I work for a friend who values being told how his ideas are bad and how to make them good. I love my job.

What are the expenses of the board?  I'd be willing to kick in a little to keep the dream alive.



[#] Fri Jan 15 2021 20:13:07 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

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$15 a month. But... losing my job won't mean I've dropped out of the top 1%. It means I won't have 2k a month to blow on expensive FPGA Amiga systems from Germany every month. My wife can carry my burden for a while. I just may have to get a job I hate that requires me to bend the knee and show up and leave at particular times and file productivity reports and other bullshit. It may actually end up moving me further *into* the 1%, if I get a job that pays me the kind of wage I've generally commanded in my life. It will mean that my wife can start lording over me how she is carrying the *entire burden of the household*... and I get tired of THAT shit, too - being that from 1994 until 2003, that was MY role while she was going through college getting the education to be in her role now. But... overall, it was a good trade. She has more discipline than me for being a major breadwinner. I have more eccentric passion for being uh... unreliable. 

Here is the thing- I work for a friend. That is the worst part, at this point. He doesn't like advice, he reacts poorly to challenge, and he has incredible mood swings. He can be the coolest guy in our circle of friends. 

Then, he can be the biggest asshole. 

Which, I bet a lot of people would say about me. So it makes a volatile mix. Heh. I think we both know it, too. 

It is too bad. On the other hand, even if he fires me... I think *I'll* be OK with it, as far as social situations go. I hope he'll be able to not care that I won't care, though. 

 

 

Fri Jan 15 2021 19:07:40 MST from TheDave

Yeah, I get that too.  They don't care if you're in the top 5 performers for the last 18 months if you keep calling them on bullshit and explaining why their plans are bad and how to fix them. 

Fortunately now I work for a friend who values being told how his ideas are bad and how to make them good. I love my job.

What are the expenses of the board?  I'd be willing to kick in a little to keep the dream alive.



 



[#] Sat Jan 16 2021 00:45:51 MST from TheDave

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Fri Jan 15 2021 20:13:07 MST from ParanoidDelusions

$15 a month. But... losing my job won't mean I've dropped out of the top 1%. It means I won't have 2k a month to blow on expensive FPGA Amiga systems from Germany every month. My wife can carry my burden for a while. I just may have to get a job I hate that requires me to bend the knee and show up and leave at particular times and file productivity reports and other bullshit. It may actually end up moving me further *into* the 1%, if I get a job that pays me the kind of wage I've generally commanded in my life. It will mean that my wife can start lording over me how she is carrying the *entire burden of the household*... and I get tired of THAT shit, too - being that from 1994 until 2003, that was MY role while she was going through college getting the education to be in her role now. But... overall, it was a good trade. She has more discipline than me for being a major breadwinner. I have more eccentric passion for being uh... unreliable. 

Here is the thing- I work for a friend. That is the worst part, at this point. He doesn't like advice, he reacts poorly to challenge, and he has incredible mood swings. He can be the coolest guy in our circle of friends. 

Then, he can be the biggest asshole. 

Which, I bet a lot of people would say about me. So it makes a volatile mix. Heh. I think we both know it, too. 

It is too bad. On the other hand, even if he fires me... I think *I'll* be OK with it, as far as social situations go. I hope he'll be able to not care that I won't care, though. 

 

 

Fri Jan 15 2021 19:07:40 MST from TheDave

Yeah, I get that too.  They don't care if you're in the top 5 performers for the last 18 months if you keep calling them on bullshit and explaining why their plans are bad and how to fix them. 

Fortunately now I work for a friend who values being told how his ideas are bad and how to make them good. I love my job.

What are the expenses of the board?  I'd be willing to kick in a little to keep the dream alive.



 



That's not so bad then.  If it gets to a point where you don't feel like the board is an expense you can afford let me know and I'll pitch in.

I know exactly the type of person you're talking about.  I don't think I'm like that, but who is really fully self aware, right?



[#] Sat Jan 16 2021 17:51:54 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

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I appreciate the offer. At some point, I have to figure out how to either do microgigs, get a real job, or monetize one of my skills and open some sort of store. 

I've got a lot of talents that could generate income - but the getting started part is a chore. 

 

Sat Jan 16 2021 00:45:51 MST from TheDave
 

That's not so bad then.  If it gets to a point where you don't feel like the board is an expense you can afford let me know and I'll pitch in.

I know exactly the type of person you're talking about.  I don't think I'm like that, but who is really fully self aware, right?



 



[#] Sun Jan 17 2021 21:45:14 MST from TheDave

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My company pays a bounty for bringing us gigs.  You get 5% of any invoices that we collect if you bring us a client.  We do web/mobile app design mostly using javascript and react but we have the ability to stretch.  We're called Nuclius.

Sat Jan 16 2021 17:51:54 MST from ParanoidDelusions

I appreciate the offer. At some point, I have to figure out how to either do microgigs, get a real job, or monetize one of my skills and open some sort of store. 

I've got a lot of talents that could generate income - but the getting started part is a chore. 

 

Sat Jan 16 2021 00:45:51 MST from TheDave
 

That's not so bad then.  If it gets to a point where you don't feel like the board is an expense you can afford let me know and I'll pitch in.

I know exactly the type of person you're talking about.  I don't think I'm like that, but who is really fully self aware, right?



 



 



[#] Sun Apr 04 2021 01:22:27 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

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I get depressed after 18 months of anything. The longest job I had was 5 years. And yes, I was depressed for the last 3.5 years of that. Second longest job was 3 years, depressed for the last 18 months. Remarkably consistent. 

I need excitement, freshness, change. I'm a novophile. My personality includes very high Openness and reasonably high Assertiveness. This makes me very useful for short, difficult, complicated projects.

But that one job where I had to write a report every day... about how well my division was doing... compared to how our subcontractor was doing... and if I got a single datum wrong I would get in trouble... it just made me want to quit. I told my boss to his face, "I hate this report." He left. And his boss left. And my coworkers left. And I ran the whole division! My direct report for two weeks was the CEO. And then they rightly replaced me with some kid who could do it for 20k less and not be depressed and I got to quit and start my own company. And I got to pay TheDave to fly to Australia. That was fun until I botched it, lol. Which was about, oh, let me do the math... 18 months in. 

I think I'll be able to reboot it, though, once I have about 70k. 



[#] Mon Apr 05 2021 22:58:13 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

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I lose interest once the challenge is gone. I was thinking of this recently. Work has been crazy - and we're down one guy, so I'm in the back. The other remaining guy - he is a turtle. He is slow, methodical, not a lot of hustle. He just plods along - reliably. That is good in regular times. I'm a rabbit. I attack a task at full speed. I have to think about pacing myself and slowing down. But... if there are no tasks, don't give me busy work. That pisses me off - and I just won't do it. Likewise, I'm very useful for short, difficult, complicated projects - and firefighting - but I'm not a turtle. If you put me in a turtle role, I fucking hate it. 

My boss and I have a common friend. They invited us, weeks ago, to LSFest in Vegas. We booked rooms, everything. 

This common friend, last weekend, invited my boss. Who signed up. Work has been busy, so I was going to write my days out today, but it got side tracked - then the boss came in and was talking about Vegas and LSFest. 

So, the Thursday and Friday I was going to take off - are now a pain in the ass - because he figured I'd be there. I don't know how they talked, he knew I was going when they talked, and he didn't see the problem. 

But it isn't really his fault - and he is ACTUALLY a GM guy. Has a 2014 ZL1 Camero drop top he bought right before Covid almost killed him. It is the right car for him. My M4 will dust just barely beat him 0-60 and in the quarter mile, and I'm sure will bury him on the Twisties. But if we're on salt flats - his 189 MPH top end will eventually catch up with my 156 top end and leave me in the dust. Very, very fast in a straight line on a very level surface with a trim level that is luxurious - for a domestic sports car. 

But - so fuck it... I told him, "I'll stay until Friday at 11, instead of leaving on Thursday with everyone else." 

I get to drive alone with my wife to Vegas - a nice 4.5 hour drive (that may be significantly shorter on the M4)... with the top down, with no one else in another car to worry about. We'll drive home by ourselves too. 

Then, on Monday, I'm done. It isn't his fault. It isn't even really our mutual friend's fault. But this keeps happening - and there is only one way to fix it. I'm going to give him a chance to hire someone else and get them trained up to where I can be replaced - but he needs a dependable worker who needs the wage he'll pay - not a guy who can quit and still afford his M4. That creates a weird boss/employee dynamic - which in turn creates a weird friend dynamic. 

So... I just have to. There were things leading up to this, of course... and my annual salary amounts to just under two years of M4 payments - so... it isn't SHIT income - but... if I were LIVING off it, I wouldn't be driving the M4. 

I'll let you know if this is botching it in about 18 months. Basically - this was a safety net and we're gambling on some things that seem like they're probably going to pan out - and even if they don't, things are still pretty good - but if things go to shit - we could find ourselves in a real fucking predicament. 

Which - we've done before - so I wasn't super -SUPER- excited about taking on this much debt. Things will probably be fine - and if we end up in a fucked position - we're going to have a whole COUNTRY full of people in similar shape - likely including my boss and the mutual friend - so, worrying about days off will seem trivial if we find ourselves there. 



Sun Apr 04 2021 01:22:27 MST from "Wangiss" <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

I get depressed after 18 months of anything. The longest job I had was 5 years. And yes, I was depressed for the last 3.5 years of that. Second longest job was 3 years, depressed for the last 18 months. Remarkably consistent. 

I need excitement, freshness, change. I'm a novophile. My personality includes very high Openness and reasonably high Assertiveness. This makes me very useful for short, difficult, complicated projects.

But that one job where I had to write a report every day... about how well my division was doing... compared to how our subcontractor was doing... and if I got a single datum wrong I would get in trouble... it just made me want to quit. I told my boss to his face, "I hate this report." He left. And his boss left. And my coworkers left. And I ran the whole division! My direct report for two weeks was the CEO. And then they rightly replaced me with some kid who could do it for 20k less and not be depressed and I got to quit and start my own company. And I got to pay TheDave to fly to Australia. That was fun until I botched it, lol. Which was about, oh, let me do the math... 18 months in. 

I think I'll be able to reboot it, though, once I have about 70k. 



 



[#] Tue Apr 06 2021 00:27:49 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

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It's a bizarre but real calculus: if everything goes to hell, so many things change that there's no point planning it all out. You can prep. You can give yourself your best odds. But maybe you'll get lost in the debt tsunami and your paper will be resold so many times that the judge throws out the case, like many people experienced in the fallout of 2008.

"Do you have the original document?"

"No, your honor."

"Do you have a copy or a digital copy of the original?"

"No, your honor."

"Then I'm afraid PD gets to keep his new toy." 



[#] Tue Apr 06 2021 16:00:26 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

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Hmnnn. I've never bottomed out hard enough to test that theory - we always take proactive measures BEFORE that point to avoid getting to that point. 

But maybe if it all turns to shit again, I should just ride it out to rock bottom. :) 

 

Tue Apr 06 2021 00:27:49 MST from "Wangiss" <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

It's a bizarre but real calculus: if everything goes to hell, so many things change that there's no point planning it all out. You can prep. You can give yourself your best odds. But maybe you'll get lost in the debt tsunami and your paper will be resold so many times that the judge throws out the case, like many people experienced in the fallout of 2008.

"Do you have the original document?"

"No, your honor."

"Do you have a copy or a digital copy of the original?"

"No, your honor."

"Then I'm afraid PD gets to keep his new toy." 



 



[#] Wed Aug 25 2021 08:44:46 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

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So, back when my boss got Covid-19 and almost died, when he came back, he lost his mind with me. Instead of being grateful that I stuck by and kept his business afloat when he was on death's door - he got it in his head that I had been talking shit about him getting Covid-19 because of his irresponsible approach to the sickness. I'm not really one to tempt fate that way. He took his approach, it didn't work out for him. My co-worker expected him to be more spiritually in touch with how fragile life was and come out the other side a changed man. I told him not to hold his breath. It may have tempered him a bit, but in general - he isn't one to accept humiliation with grace or to learn from the consequences of his actions. 

But I was still shocked when he responded with ire specifically directed at me. Part of it was that the other nearby shop - HAD been talking shit. Heaping mountains of it. Calling us "The Covid-Shop". Their employer is friends with my employer (and I am friends with that guy too...) and the path where the shit-talking led back from that guy's shop to MY boss and *I* was the one talking shit is pretty obvious to me. But... whatever. 

So - anyhow. I moved on. Then recently, because the boss had been sick, we were way behind - and... he wasn't back at full operational speed... so we got behind on a lot of things - and suddenly two long-term employees quit within weeks of one another just as we were hitting the busy season. It was "Crisis Mitigation Mode," and so I stepped up, hit the warehouse, in high heat - as a 51 year old man, and delivered on filling in the gaps those guys left behind - for as long as needed. I even showed up one day with 3 of my friends who were visiting from Ohio and got them to fill in - for free. 

I also did a deep cleaning on the place that was deeper than at any time the place has been "clean" in my entire 4 years there. I'm not understating how bad it was, and how remarkably improved it was once I was done. 

Still, I felt a chill between us. He was distant and cool in the office. Make no mistake, he would tell you he was paying me $20/hr to sit at a desk and mostly surf Facebook - and he wouldn't be completely wrong (it was mostly Reddit). I answered calls, I responded to e-mail, I updated listings, I filed claims with USPS, I did basic janitorial services and made T-Shirt graphics and other things that were necessary - but I wasn't delivering the high-end, complex, involved IT stuff that he wanted. He wanted DB programming, he wanted complete re-organization of his 4 dissimilar inventory and eBiz solutions into a single merged database. He didn't want to increase costs on his IT infrastructure - he wanted to do things cheap, half-assed ways. Rather than hire someone outside to fix the inventory and pricing - he wanted to just go one-by-one in 4 different inventory systems and manually adjust each price in each different database item by item. Tens of thousands of items. Or he wanted me to do a $15,000 database cleaning job for $20/hr while also doing all the other daily routine shit. That was just the tip of it. I never blamed him - but the couple of times I tried to explain it to him, I did get met with the kind of "You just don't want to do it, and you're making it more complex than it is, just do what I tell you," kind of hubris that you get from "management" at ALL levels of IT. "I don't know how it is done, but do it the way I tell you, because I think that is how it should work." 

Along the same time, a couple of his friends came into low 7 figure windfalls. $1.5 to maybe a couple/few million. What he called "real life changing money." 

After the Covid thing, once he got settled, my wife had planned a couple of pretty extravagant trips this year. I was out for a week or two, several times. One of these trips is a $10,000 a ticket F1 race in Austin, Texas. The other is a 1st class trip to Italy. Our arrangement had always been "I need something with LOTS of scheduling flexibility." But I had become very important to the business for him, and I think he had the feeling that for $20/hr I was going to deliver $75/hr performance. So I had a discussion that we were on the brink of "life changing money." One of the weirdest discussions was him arguing with me about how "No, his friends had gotten LIFE CHANGING money payfalls - that I didn't understand." 

So I tried to make it clear to him. We just bought a 2020 M4, I bought a 2016 M235i, before that we bought a 2015 Denali 2500, and if this comes through, we're talking about a Panamera and a beach house in Oregon - where I would be spending a significant portion of the year... and that was just for *starters*, and none of it will be *financed* - unless financing makes better economic sense. *LIFE* changing money - and we're going to have to navigate me being gone from Arizona for at least 3 months of the year - and if that doesn't work - then we need to start planning to transition me OUT of the company. 

We're already at a place where I don't need the job or the income... but it is about to get ridiculous. 


So, he hired some new people, they didn't work out excellent, but I helped cross train them. Then, recently, he hired a cleaning crew to come in on the weekends. So... I saw the writing on the wall. 


And then this opportunity/crisis came up. In a manner of speaking, it risked and threatened the payfall we are hoping for - but it was also an opportunity for me to re-establish my credibility in my field with a professional who could be influential in my career, as well as an opportunity to visit friends, family and locations in Northern California that are dear to me, all while making more per hour than I make in a day working for this guy - who is supposed to be a friend. 

Of course, he was upset that I would chose these things and that he and his business were "second place". When I told him, "I'm maybe going to need to go to Nor Cal to do some IT work and it'll be next Monday through Friday," he literally got petulant and bitched about how much time I had off coming up and how he was always second place. 

That Sunday, I told him I got the gig, and that it looked more like it would be until Thursday (it turned out to be until Saturday). 


So, I took the gig - and the minute I landed in San Jose, I took airplane mode off, and my phone was ringing, and it was him calling. I sent him to voice mail until we had taxied and I was in the terminal, and he told me he was letting me go. 

And who cares? The minute I got to San Jose, I was busting my ass working 13 hour days making more every hour than I made in a DAY working for him - *and* I had no time to think about him and his shit - or anything else. I didn't have time to log in here, to read any other e-mails - I was up to my ass in alligators, and I loved it. 

And I fucking *delivered*. Hard. The guy who hired me was impressed, his IT team was impressed, I started slow - the same speed as all the other regions responding, and they all admitted that their original schedule was ambitious. By the end of the week, through LONG hours and getting up to speed rapidly - I was making up lost ground. I still didn't meet the ORIGINAL ambitious schedule, but I significantly beat the revised, realistic schedule - and did so while delivering excellent quality. 

I worked, I drove, I slept, I repeated for 6 days straight. Sometimes I even ate. 

So, there was a multiple point strategy involved. 

We discussed this gig, and the possibility the boss would let me go for taking it, before deciding to take it. I figured I'd make a couple months pay in a week doing this gig. I figured that my current job the writing was on the wall that the boss was positioning himself to release me, anyhow. The long term opportunity in impressing the guy who hired me for the gig was significant  - in getting him as a referral in my industry. This is an accomplished CIO who will now say, "I'd hire him for any IT team in a second." And, it was helping relieve pressure on the roadmap for financial reward my wife is currently pursuing. I got to drive all over Northern California and stay in luxury rooms with all my meals paid, and visit friends and family with any time I was able to scrape out for myself. There wasn't much of that, but I made sure it happened. My boss's option was, "screw all that, I need you to put ME in front of those things for $20/hr in a dead end job answering phone questions about chain slings." 

I'm literally *not* mad at the dude. He is wrong. He didn't even really come in a strong second place on the answer to this question. He wasn't ever in the race. My wife suggested I file for unemployment insurance. I don't *need* that money... "his" money - even though I paid into it. Like most small businessman - he sees unemployment insurance as HIS cost and doesn't acknowledge that his employees pay into that with their taxes. But there was really no other rational option for me to exercise here. In the short term, he is causing himself hardship by letting me go at this point. I don't think it will sink his business or hurt his bottom line - but it was a purely emotional response. He could have me at the office answering phones right now, for the foreseeable future, and doing lots of other things, for $20/hr. I'd take that extra income in the interim for the work if he would have gone forward with it. Instead all he did was force my hand - but I've got my car paid off until Feb of 2022 and all that time to figure out my next step, with some extra spending money on the side. The next 4-6 months are going to be critical in deciding what my next steps are, but this gig gave me the breathing room to not worry about my own economic obligations while I figure that out. I made 5.5 months of his wages in 6 days - and I knew it wasn't going to be a small windfall of extra cash, but a *replacement* for his wages that I'd have to stretch out - going into this. 

I feel pretty good about where I'm at right now - and that if I follow up, and some other things fall into place - it only gets *remarkably* better in the next 6 months. 

I also re-established my confidence in myself to operate in the field and deliver value in my profession. I'm still a top performer in my field. 

 There was no other choice to be made right now - and I think good things will come of the decision. 



 

 



[#] Thu Aug 26 2021 18:04:09 MST from Jerry Moore

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Best of luck in the near future, Donovan, and the foreseeable future as well!



[#] Fri Aug 27 2021 09:19:43 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

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Thank you, Jerry! 



[#] Wed Sep 22 2021 03:28:27 MST from TheDave

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All my life I've been in menial positions ruled over by morons who can't tell their ass from a hole in the ground.

Suddenly I'm a boss.  People ask me to make decisions and I'm good at it.  It's a weird feeling but I like it and when people are talking at a meeting I interrupt them and say "why don't we do this instead" and everyone goes "oh, that makes way more sense" and I feel like somehow I'm actually worth the NOT AT ALL obscene money which is still way more than I've ever made before, putting me comfortably in lower middle class.  I might be getting a raise soon.  I'm grateful for my good fortune.

All of this is by way of saying that I finally understand what it is to be respected in my field for what I can contribute, and I'm super glad you got that feeling too.  I hope you get more of it.  It's addictive in all the best ways.